Endless, and Sometimes Aimless Words

Heated discussions have fueled and exhausted my energy today.

It's what comes from statements like: "Art is not a giant wall painted blue; Capitalism is bad; and Americans are hypocrites."

But if there is something I will never tire of repeating for the rest of my life, it's that people and groups and things don't always fit into convenient categories. The media, politicians and other advocates illustrate the world in such a clear way with grids and labels, pointing out who is good and who is bad, what is right and what is wrong. Talking about "us" and "them" and why some people and some art are better than others. As if it's that simple and objective. Well, maybe I should stop here because as Anton put it:

"Everything is subjective and relative, and we can't say anything about anything."

Or as Cat Stevens sang:

"There's a million ways to go. You know that there are."

Or as Shizuka once concluded:

"Whatever." In Japan, it's not so common to argue in public, she added.

Well, I often wonder if it is better to avoid sensitive subjects with friends or speak your mind, always? My friend Federiko says you should be yourself, and say what you feel, all the time, no matter the consequence. I've often chosen calm air in friendships to arguing my personal opinion. But lately I find myself in not one or the other side. Just making decisions based on the circumstance and my logic and emotion at that time.

And on the topic of friends, I found it interesting when Alisa said she was thinking about why we have friends. Why do we really need them? Isn't it bad to depend on others for happiness or security? Is it possible to laugh or enjoy something alone? My group of friends in Tampere often recognize how we influence and inspire and encourage one another. I begin to realize that our identities and beliefs reflect and mix with the things around us, and that they change based on the time and the place. Zhenia said that the feeling in Tampere now is "cold and indifferent." This is how I feel now too. (Probably this will change in a month.)

In Eugene, I loved my time alone. I didn't feel lonely walking around the city. Here, I do feel lonely even in a crowded street. I appreciate all the conversations I have with people, all the hugs I receive, all the bits of blue sky the clouds reveal. Every bit of happiness I find, I gladly drown my sorrow in.

At the end of our long, loud discussion in the university cafeteria, my friend noted that we hadn't made any conclusions.



I actually don't feel close to any concrete conclusions.

Last quote of an extended thought:

"The Uncertainty Principle. It proves we can’t ever really know… what’s going on. So it shouldn’t bother you. Not being able to figure anything out. Although you will be responsible for this on the mid-term." -Larry Gopnik, "A Serious Man"