Sleepless, rainy friday night

It's pouring outside. I mean buckets and buckets of water are falling from the sky. All of a sudden, Tampere is humid and wet like Eugene, and I sort of miss Eugene. I miss evening drives to Sweet Life with Maiko in that old, tiny blue car. I miss long hours in the journalism building with dozens of other hurried students. I miss people and going to the coast and seeing movies at the Bijou.

Usually I'm hesitant to use those two words because missing is just a lonely room full of portraits anyway. I'll never fully be a part of them again and my interpretation of them will continue to change. It wasn't the people or the context or the place; it was the perfect harmony of it all.

My friend says that I have a lot of "impossible wishes," like wishing I could have ice cream when the shops are closed and wishing I could make a brilliant film in one day and wishing I could see a Grateful Dead concert. But I think most people have these wishes.

By the way, I just noticed that Finland has so many strange fruit juice combinations. For example, a popular brand called juissi has the following flavors: "Pineapple-orange, Strawberry, Lemon-lime, Mixed (apple, green grape and raspberry), Fruit (grapefruit, pineapple, passion fruit, pear and apple), Pear, Blueberry-raspberry, Red Energy and Green Energy" (from wikipedia page). Well, those are strange to me at least. In America, I think I only had apple, orange, grapefruit and cranberry. In Finland, it's completely normal to have a glass of strawberry juice.

Getting to sleep is difficult, and I wonder if it's because my oh so stable life as an exchange student in Finland is approaching its end, and the outside world seems so foreign and scary. You would think that after Hawaii to Spain, Spain to Hawaii, Hawaii to Oregon, Oregon to Finland, that this would be something I'm used to. I always hear that the more experiences we have (whatever that means!) and the more adversity we encounter, the more prepared we are for the future. But with every challenging and uncomfortable experience, I realize that we can never be totally prepared for the experiences that lie ahead. What has helped me more is figuring out my passion and drive and identifying some concrete steps that could lead me to a fulfilling career and lifestyle. Just as important as preparation and new experience is the understanding of our nature, and our way of dealing with difficult situations. Maybe new and adverse experiences will help, but maybe they won't.

I just lost my train of thought and am feeling very sleepy. Goodnight!