Getting sunburnt in FInland

The sun is turning everyone weird colors of tan and orange and red.

I spent the day working on an essay, and in the afternoon went out to read a book near the lake.

Some pictures:

















Approaching midnight, it's hard to tell whether the sun is going down or coming up.

One week left

Time is really speeding up. Every so often, I imagine myself in the middle of crowded, noisy New York, when in reality, I'm standing in Tampere, on a quiet, lonely road with few signs and parked cars. Get back to the present and enjoy, Leilani!

It's 11:30 p.m., but the sky is not dark yet and the birds go on chirping. One advantage of living on the ground floor is that I get to hear and see (and sometimes interact with) the life outside. I forget about being cooped up in a small room. Today, Uz, Al and I walked around the city, ending up at Pyynikki (a popular observation tower) for munkki and kahvia (doughnuts and coffee). We sat outside, talking story and cracking jokes. Besides the three of us 20-somethings from Pakistan, Catalonia and America, there were teenagers, runners, and some older folk hanging around. With these sunny, long days, Finland is becoming the place I first saw in August.

Lots of full circles. I've met several people I haven't seen since the first few months of my exchange. I finally visited the store managed by the university club I was introduced to in late September. I've said goodbyes with memories of the initial meetings. Maybe the full circle idea helps cope with finalities. Like what started is ending, but is complete. Anyway, I've got a million things on my mind, so now it's time to turn them into actions.

And so the goodbyes begin

Keeping busy definitely helps. On Saturday, Henri took us on a mini road trip around Tampere. We visited Kangasala, Valkeakoski and other sites (will post pix soon). People have told me that it's pretty much the same all around Finland: trees, grass, lakes -- oh, a house! A moose! A town! There may be some truth to that, but Finland's sameness is so darn beautiful. I lose myself every time staring out of the window.

That afternoon, Al, Uz and I went to a screening of the Tuberculosis ad/short that we acted in. It was interesting to be a part of the production process, and I guess the final edit will make it to the Internet in a few weeks... After, we went to see The Avengers in 3D. On Sunday, we met a Finnish friend for lunch at a Nepalese restaurant. That evening we met other Finnish friends for a goodbye dinner for Pablo, who left this morning.

And so the goodbyes begin.

Ascension Day (Another Finnish holiday)

Arrrrrrrrgggggh: Two weeks left!



Next topic.

It was a Ascension day, which makes me think of flying off the runway and into the sky. My dictionary says that it means "the ascent of Christ into heaven on the fortieth day after the Resurrection" (Oxford). For me, it means the local grocery store is closed and I can't buy food. This country sure takes its holidays seriously. I watched "Mr. Nobody," started on an essay about my experience in Finland (which should fit in less than two pages), and then left with Al, a Catelonian friend, to Finlayson for a live band performance. We met up with Uz and ate at this awesome Nepalese restaurant.

In the evening, we were invited to a university film club get-together with some food, drinks and movies. There were 15 of us sitting comfortably around one apartment, some on the couch, others on the floor and on chairs. At first, they were watching an ice hockey match between the US and Finland. (Incidentally, I wore red, white and blue.) Finland won, breaking the tie in the last minute. It was a pretty mellow atmosphere, very nice people. Wish I had met them before. We ate some deserts: cookies, ice cream, candies and homemade black current sweets. Besides Al and Uz, I spoke mostly with a girl from Ukraine, who would like to begin studying in Finland from September. She asked me about the cafes I liked most in Finland, and I told her with certainty: Telakka and 931. Then we watched two documentaries: "White Diamond" and part of "Pumping Iron." When I get back to Eugene, I'd like to find a student film club or begin something similar!

Well, gotta cut this post short. Need to rest up for tomorrow's adventures...

P.S.: This Tuesday, I met the same older gentleman I met along my favorite trail last week. He was chatting with two woman, one of whom was thrilled to speak English for the first time in years. She showed me her Nordic skiis and how to walk with them. I told them how this city reminds me of Eugene.

Turning the page: spring

I woke up to the sound of the lawnmower. Better than my alarm I suppose, which sounds exactly like a fire alarm, and has me jumping out of bed in less than two seconds.

For some reason, I'm never thrilled about the sounds of spring, Maybe it's the pollen, but I get this underlying feeling of boredom and frustration.

Winter was so quiet and cold, and everybody tried to conserve their energy by not doing or saying anything. I compensated by pretending it was spring and finding ways to enjoy such a dark season. In spring, I don't really need to do anything to make the world louder or more colorful. There's more commotion: cars are louder, people talk more, mowing of the lawn, moving around. I guess in Hawaii, this is pretty much a year round thing. So my strange feelings might have more to with the anticipation of finishing a long academic year and nearing summer.

I read these three good young-adult fiction books that my American friend lent me: "An Abundance of Katherines," "Looking for Alaska," and "Absolutely Normal Chaos." I remembered, at 12 years old, lying on a futon in my family's house in Manoa Valley, reading a book while eating a plum. I loved to eat fruit every time I read. Now that I think of it, even in college, my dad would often bring me a platter of fruit while I studied. Yummy. Anyway, if someone in the university saw me reading young-adult fiction, especially a book whose main character is 13, I'd get strange looks. It reminds me of turning 8. All my friends were reading novels, and I still wanted to read picture books, but I stopped borrowing picture books from the library because I was embarrassed.

Poor young me! How could my thinking be so off base? I'm an aspiring documentarian -- what better preparation for visual narrative than pictures books? And as for young adult fiction: I love how simple it is to describe a range of human experiences, from friendship to internal problems to family to love to realizations to loss to death. Also, I think my maturity and tolerance level can at times be quite teenish... In detective fiction and post-colonial literature classes, I was constantly analyzing while reading. Looking for symbolism, as well as gender, ethnicity and class matters. Analyzing, critiquing, questioning. The stories were not read as stories, but as windows into a different time and context.

When I began reading "An Abundance of Katherines," it took a while for me to stop analyzing and thinking, and just enjoy (as my Israeli Cinema professor told us: "You're not supposed to be entertained by these movies. Think of them as homework assignments. You need to be actively participating." Sometimes, when the workload gets to worky, pleasure can come from passivity or openness to a story.

(Uh oh, I just saw a Facebook post that a friend posted: "The Six Enemies of Greatness (And Happiness)," which are: Availability, Ignorance, Committees, Comfort, Momentum and Passivity.)

Something about Sauna

It was hard to study with my window open: wide blue sky with few wispy clouds, trees becoming fuller and greener, cool breeze, but temperature at a nice 11 degrees celcius.

In the afternoon, I went to the sauna with Albert, his Finnish friend K, and her couchsurfer from Madrid. It was sooooo relaxing and refreshing. One woman said something to me in Finnish, and I said, "Minä en puhu suomea" (I don't speak Finnish) and she said "Puhut suomea!" (You speak Finnish!) and one man said "If you don't speak Finnish, don't say anything." I didn't know if it was a joke, but everybody laughed so I laughed and made an awkward joke. I admitted to the woman next to me, "Minä voin puhua vähän suomea," (I can speak a little Finnish), though I wasn't entirely sure if that was accurate. The woman laughed and said "Kyllä." She started saying more things in Finnish. It was fun, but I wondered why it was the last month of my exchange when I met someone who didn't speak English.

We went into the cold lake several times, but I could only stay in for a few seconds each time. At one point we decided to lie on the rocks like starfish.

K told me about her travel experiences in Germany (actually she lived in Hanover, where my grandfather is from) and translation work, and about how wonderful couchsurfing has been. I remembered the interesting couchsurfer I met in Stockholm, who showed me around the city. That night, I stayed with a different surfers house, and it was great! I had dinner there, a nice couch to sleep on, and the next day I was taken to the ship that would take me back to Tampere. I'm not advertising couchsurfing -- in fact, I know people who have had strange experiences, but most stories have been good; great actually.

K's couchsurfer, Pablo, told me that after traveling so much, he realizes that it has become sort of a "doom" for him. He advised me to stop traveling after 35, though I think it was more of a warning. He had a very sincere, non-condescending way of speaking, a lot like my friend Tania, who has about a million nationalities. Once you become 50, Pablo told me, it's harder to settle down. "All the women are married or are too young." The only thing to do is to keep traveling. Plus, everybody keeps asking him where he's going to next, expecting him to always have a next destination. I asked if he encountered many travelers who thought like him. "Not really," he said, pausing to think. "I think regular travelers I met have been kind of weird. Like they don't have social skills, even though you would think they would." Pablo said that when you travel a lot you become more of a relativist, "And that is not good," he added, lightheartedly. He said that even if your opinions or thoughts are wrong -- which most are anyway -- they are better than not having them. "And skeptical, you become too skeptical. And nobody wants to be around somebody like that." Now Pablo admires people who are so sure about things.

"But now I feel rootless," Pablo said. "I don't belong in Finland. I don't think I ever will. I lived in Poland for two years, and I liked it there but I don't think I could belong there too. I'm from Spain, but now I don't belong to Spain. Everywhere I am, there is always something better in another country." Gosh, I think Pablo is a 50-year-old male version of me.

We came back home, had dinner, and now I'm stuck on my chair again, working on this essay. To be honest, I'm pretty burnt out with the essays.

My dad would like more explanation about Finnish sauna culture, so I'll have to post something more soon. Hopefully along with pictures and audio!

Sleepless, rainy friday night

It's pouring outside. I mean buckets and buckets of water are falling from the sky. All of a sudden, Tampere is humid and wet like Eugene, and I sort of miss Eugene. I miss evening drives to Sweet Life with Maiko in that old, tiny blue car. I miss long hours in the journalism building with dozens of other hurried students. I miss people and going to the coast and seeing movies at the Bijou.

Usually I'm hesitant to use those two words because missing is just a lonely room full of portraits anyway. I'll never fully be a part of them again and my interpretation of them will continue to change. It wasn't the people or the context or the place; it was the perfect harmony of it all.

My friend says that I have a lot of "impossible wishes," like wishing I could have ice cream when the shops are closed and wishing I could make a brilliant film in one day and wishing I could see a Grateful Dead concert. But I think most people have these wishes.

By the way, I just noticed that Finland has so many strange fruit juice combinations. For example, a popular brand called juissi has the following flavors: "Pineapple-orange, Strawberry, Lemon-lime, Mixed (apple, green grape and raspberry), Fruit (grapefruit, pineapple, passion fruit, pear and apple), Pear, Blueberry-raspberry, Red Energy and Green Energy" (from wikipedia page). Well, those are strange to me at least. In America, I think I only had apple, orange, grapefruit and cranberry. In Finland, it's completely normal to have a glass of strawberry juice.

Getting to sleep is difficult, and I wonder if it's because my oh so stable life as an exchange student in Finland is approaching its end, and the outside world seems so foreign and scary. You would think that after Hawaii to Spain, Spain to Hawaii, Hawaii to Oregon, Oregon to Finland, that this would be something I'm used to. I always hear that the more experiences we have (whatever that means!) and the more adversity we encounter, the more prepared we are for the future. But with every challenging and uncomfortable experience, I realize that we can never be totally prepared for the experiences that lie ahead. What has helped me more is figuring out my passion and drive and identifying some concrete steps that could lead me to a fulfilling career and lifestyle. Just as important as preparation and new experience is the understanding of our nature, and our way of dealing with difficult situations. Maybe new and adverse experiences will help, but maybe they won't.

I just lost my train of thought and am feeling very sleepy. Goodnight!

Nature Greetings

I went for a run near Näsijärvi lake this morning, and after about 10 minutes, I realized that I was severely out of shape. So, I slowed it down to a jog/walk. The temperature was cool and the air was light. I passed mossy rocks, large trees, the occasional stump, anchored boats, a pile of logs and signs with Finnish names I can't pronounce...

Here are some pictures from the route:
















As I was walking back, I noticed an older man standing on a large patch of rock and grass, with a clear view of the lake. I smiled, and he said something in Finnish. When he realied I didn't understand, and said, "It's so beautiful today." It was true; the thick, velvety lake was a beautiful sight. It reminds me of home to see the edge of land meet a large body of water. "Where are you from?" the man asked slowly, with clear pronunciation. "From Hawaii," I responded. "Where?" he asked again. "Havai." "Oh, Havai!" he exclaimed, with a soft, pleasant smile, "America." I nodded and said, "It's many miles away from here." We stared at the lake for about a minute. "Are you from Tampere?" I asked. "Yes, I am from Tampere. Between the Näsijärvi and Pyhäjärv lakes," he answered. I told him that Tampere is such a great place, and that it will be hard to get used to the city life in New York this summer. His eyes lit up. "Oh, New York!" he said. "My sister's daughter is in Boston." I smiled and nodded. He apologized that his English is so poor, that he studied it in school in the 50s, and didn't continue. I thought his level was not poor at all. "Do you speak Spanish?" I asked. "No, only Finnish and Swedish." That's what I expected. We turned to the lake again, admiring the ripples and cuts and different shades of blue. Realizing that I had to go home quickly to continue work on papers, I wished the man a good day. "Same to you," he said. I walked back with the sound of my footsteps, the light wind, and faraway birds.

Finally, A Spring Update (Vappu included)

It feels like I haven't blogged in ages! Not good, Leilani, not good. As of today, one out of my three essays are IN. THE. BAG! The one I just handed in was about the Price-Anderson Act, which is the nuclear liability law in the United States.* The second two are learning diaries for classes in internet governance and media literacy and education. Once I'm done, I would like to travel to at least three other cities in Finland! My sights are set on Joensuu, Turku, Lahti, Pori and the Aland islands. Its a bit far and pricy to get to Rovaniemi (not to mention, the best season for that trip is over), but who knows! There are so many beautiful places in the world. And so many interesting people. Today at lunch, there were three older men sitting on the table next to us, speaking quite loudly. One man's accent sounded particularly New York-ish, and I got really excited about my plans for this summer. (I still remember the time Amaya wanted to know how much Ugg boots cost in the U.S., and I called a supplier in New York just to hear what people spoke like.) Here's a How To on talking with a NY accent: http://www.ehow.com/how_2121885_talk-new-york-accent.html.

One superimportant event that I didn't mention yet is Vappu. On Vappu, Tampere turns into a completely different place. The event is celebrated on April 31st and May 1st around Finland, and it is basically a giant party in the name of Labor Day. High School graduates celebrate by wearing a white student cap; marches and speeches are held in the city; picnics are taken in the park; first year engineering students are dipped in the lake; and everybody gets totally drunk and crazy. It was like a music festival in a crowded city, where everything is possible. I saw a fire in the park, lots of broken glass on the ground, young people drinking next to policemen, bodies lying on the ground... It was so messy and noisy! Walking back to my neighborhood, I felt relieved and comforted to feel the stillness and quietness.



(Shiz and I picnicking on Vappu)

Let's see what else... Last Wednesday, an American friend and I visited the Finnish high school Sammon Keskulukio again, talking with students from English and media classes. We got the usual questions: "Why did you come to Finland?" "What were some of the cultural shocks you experienced?" "How did you deal with the winter?" "What are schools like the US?" "How do you like Finnish food?" It was slightly painful to reflect on the experiences of the past year when I only have a few weeks left. Anyway, I'd better prepare myself with answers to these questions for when I get back.

The atmosphere at the Finnish lukio (school) just felt so different from high schools back home, which was full of teenage angst, hormones, insecurity, peer pressure, hookups and breakups. I'm sure some of this still goes on, but I noted a relatively calm and collected crowd, quite reserved. Students call their teachers by their first names; are encouraged, not required to participate; and have relative autonomy in choosing their classes and schedules. Here, high school is a place for academics (or also for athletics). In the US, my favorite memories of high school were at student activities like morning broadcast and cross country. It's hard to choose which system I would prefer, but it is clear that Finland doesn't have the education disparity like in the US.

I was again surprised to hear that the male percentage of these soon-to-be high school graduates would be doing a mandatory year of military service. They have the option to alternatively choose the civil service, but it is not popular. Some girls said that it was not manly, and that they would laugh if a guy said he was joining the civil service. Guys said that they heard it was a great experience in terms of discipline and service to their country.

Anyway, I found it very fun and informative to talk to the high school students. We asked them what sorts of issues they spoke about with friends or at home. Two that came up were: Finnish involvement in the EU and the current job situation (with a reduction in cultural/artistic jobs and increase in construction and medical ones). I wonder what I was thinking about back then...

Well, many things going on in the world and in Tampere and in my life and in everybody else's (is that even a word?) lives. Only time (and a bit of steering) will tell!

*Basically, the PAA establishes a no-fault compensation mechanism for any damages in the event of an accident. Critics call it a subsidy, because if the damages exceed the $12.5 billion liability cap, the government may use taxpayer money. Proponents say it is necessary in encouraging nuclear energy, and gives an incentive for mutual monitoring. The issue with the liability is that it is difficult to measure all the external costs and benefits involved in nuclear energy production. From the start up to operations to decommissioning to waste storing to natural catastrophes, there are lots of risks involved. There is a lot of money and support in supporting the nuclear energy, but this substitutes money and support that could be going to safer, more sustainable energy sources. Whether the nuclear liability law is efficient, and what would be a better solution, was the objective of my paper.

Woooooooooohooooooooo!!! Just passed the dramatic hurdle! Now I'll get a good night's rest and put on my nerdy warrior princess hat for the upcoming essay deadlines.

Finding Relief

Oh, let me crawl into a ball and disappear!

Let tangled thoughts reveal something clear!

They say we must always face our fears,

Relief is just beyond a flow of tears. . .

Oh COME ON, me
Just let it go!
Or at least imagine

Running through a pile of leaves

Watching them wave, spin, dance, tease

In the morning, toast and cream cheese

Fruits and flowers and herbal teas